My last Friday has officially ended. 

For reasons, my upcoming Friday will be different.

In my whole life, it never crossed my mind to tie the knot this early.

As dicussed, the 'ceremony' should only happen end of this year, either in December or March 2014. 

But bear in mind, we make plans but only with the izin of Allah, things can happen. 

He is forever the best of planner. 

Only Allah knows what we deserve best. 

Allah SWT will give you the things you need. 

Yes, as human we tend to want more even when those things are unnecessary. 

But have faith in Him. 

Back to the topic, yes, as discussed, no ceremony should happen anytime soon but for some reasons (nothing bad), it's happening earlier. 

I shall describe this man I'm marrying. 

He is lovingly understanding. 

He is sincere, very straight-forward, you can tell his honesty through his eyes. 

He says the cheesiest pick-up lines but you know he holds to it (Insya Allah). 

Religiously, I'd say Alhamdulillah and I am just blessed that all he wants to do is to lead me to Allah's paradise (Insya Allah).

Where we met? 

I don't know how to answer that somehow. 

We are related, and of course we meet each time we have family gatherings. 

We were once in love back then in 2007.

But I never knew that even when things went apart between us, he never stops loving me, and he never loves me any less. 

Some might see this as an arrangement by our parents. 

Some might guess that it happened because it happens. 

Well, to me, it's basically a combination of both.

And I am thankful it happened that way. 

I have always wanted to be matchmade by my parents (honestly) because I know they know me best. 

This man I'm marrying, he's been keeping up with my ups and downs for the past few months. 

Somehow I am impressed that he's been keeping up real good. 

Knowing myself, I can be too much to handle most of the time. 

In a few days, I'll be a wife to my soon to be husband (Insya Allah). 

The journey to the wedding seems to be really occupying my time. 

Sometimes I wish I had more than 24 hours a day to get everything done with but who am I to ask for that. 

As for now, I hope for nothing but a lot of prayers from those who happen to read this post. 

If it doesn't burden you, after the Salam you give when you solat, do raise your hands and pray for journey to Allah's paradise with my soon to be husband.

As well as my parents. 

And Insya Allah, semoga Allah memberkati kamu semua better than what I've earned until today. 

Just to share a happiness of my engagement ceremony :)

I will definitely write more soon when I have all the time in the world, insya Allah.

February 13, 2013 (Engagement Ceremony) from Sharifah Rabihah Syed Mohd Razif on Vimeo.

I had those days when I woke up to wonders of what kind of path I might have to walk in.

Two thousand twelve ended pretty much shocking and two thousand thirteen started out different for me.

I literally found myself lost to something only God knows how hard things were for me to digest.

Indeed, I was never a planner to my life but knowing how 'planned' things are for me, that still amazes me.

In that very short period of time, my life was somehow at that maximum speed.

My life for awhile was in a pause mode but it was peculiar that my time was still ticking.

Suddenly what was supposed to be said was unheard.

So many phases I am skipping. I am a step ahead from so many people around me.

Putting yourself into a position you've never thought before was not easy.

It is true when they say, "Be careful for what you wish for."

After awhile, somehow, time found me in that place even light doesn't travel.

I found acceptance in every breath God has given me.

I woke up each day realizing I am actually one step closer to what I have been wishing for.

In those eyes, I find sincerity. In his heart, I find comfort. 

It is a blessing. It may be an arrangement but after all, it is actually a beautiful arrangement.

It is the symphony I've been finding myself singing to.

I hope it is a real journey from Allah.

I know it is. Only with His izin, insya Allah.

Where to begin? I wish I had words to the ending of 2012. A journey I didn't even expect. Throughout the year, I woke up to Allah's beautiful gifts, even though most of them are not what I wanted but I am so sure that they are what I needed the most. And dear Allah, thank you for everything. 2013 hasn't even started yet but I can already see what might come. I may get scared of what You've laid for me in my future, but for everything You've written for me, I have faith in You Ya Allah. Who am I to question You when I know only You have the power to all the things around me. For every breath I took, thank You dear Allah. You put me through hardships, you gave me happiness, You let me feel and experience a lot of things this year, You made me whoever I am today. You blessed me with the loveliest pair of parents, You let me witness a beautiful love story shared between my sister, husband and their baby, You let me realize that my brother is the only guy that is thicker than water, You let me feel how a mother feels like by having a cute cat, and for most, You opened up my heart on so many things. I am grateful, dear Allah. I might have to shock the world with a few big things, I hope you would guide me through.

It is the song my heart currently engaged to

Press play and sing this version of song of mine

Your heart is pure and I know it's made for me

And I think we're really meant to be

I'm staring at those cheeks with that pair of eyes when you blink

And it all makes sense to me

I know you've never loved the fats on your cheeks when you smile

You've never loved your height or your thighs

The moles on your back at the bottom of your spine

But I just love them endlessly

I won't let these little things slip out of my mind

But if I do, it's you, lovely you, let me add up to

I'm in love with you and you're my diamond ring

You won't live your day without an iced milo

Maybe that's the reason that you're baby grumpy

And all those midnight craving of yours I wish to fulfill

Though it is random to me

I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on phone

You never want to know how much you weigh

You still fit into your old pair of jeans

You're already perfect to me

I won't let these little things slip out of my mind

But if I do, it's you, lovely you, let me add up to

I'm in love with you and you're my diamond ring

You never love yourself best as much as I love you

You deserve more than anything like how I feel for you

I want you to know, I'm here for you

So that you'll love yourself like I love you

I won't let these little things slip out of my mind

But if I do, it's you, lovely you, let me add up to

I'm in love with you and you're my diamond ring

I'm gonna let these little things slip out of my mind

Because it's you, only you, just you, I wanna marry to

I'm in love with you cause you're my everything

I want my eyes to blink to your beauty

I want my heart to beat to your sincerity

I want my lips to hum to your sweet tune

I want to hear myself singing to your melody

I want to find myself keeping up with you

I want you to tell me that half of your heart perfectly fits to my broken heart

Because honestly,

I want to raise my hands making prayers for both of us

Just something random I'd write at 2.08am.

And I wanna marry the sweetness of this song already...

I am so defensive of myself these days.
I get so protective over my heart lately.
Maybe it is because of what I have walked through.
And I realized my journey was and never easy.
But I know, Allah put me in these shoes because He knew I'm gonna go through.

Repost something I've once posted,
"I love you with all my heart, even though at times I do things that hurt, I try so hard to hope that you always see, how much you being in my life and what you mean to me, I am sorry yet again for causing you pain. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do, even when I am trying to look out for you and do the right thing, I messed up. I am sorry for that too. I hope that you still know how much I love and cherish you, like nothing else in my life gives me the trill of being loved by you. So I hope that you listen and see it in my eyes, this sincere apology that comes with tears from deep inside"

An untold story is kept in this heart.

It brought me to a place.

Where my heart had a long walk.

What is felt was unseen.

What is said was unheard.

It has long time ago gone.

But sometimes they resurfaced.

Suddenly the blurred memories are refined.

Fresh like a wet paint.

The incomplete puzzle is yet to be unfinished.

I thought I had the answer, but I was wrong.

I was once again helpless.

Left and right, I was left clueless.

Through this journey, I wish for an answer.

To this unanswered doubt.

Today I caught myself still stuck in the shadows of those days.
Looked for the light but it was too bright I didn't know which path to take. Screamed for help but it feels like nobody ever understand my language.

"It took me miles to find comfort and I only find it at a place. A corner of where the wall understands my words. At that corner I found warmth. This heart feels safe each time I am there. I will be guarded by the purest and kindest words. I knew it my heart is still there, at that corner."

I am broken to have my intentions misinterpreted.
So many of them to be misunderstood by the people I love the most.
Too many things locked in this heart.
But I realized I'd rather be a closed-book because only in me I find comfort and only in God I find faith.
I've gone through one of the loneliest journey to where I stand right now and nothing about the rough times put me in regret.
I have stumbled, I have fall but it makes me whoever I am today.
I may cry myself to sleep, I may stay up all night but the sun still brightens up my day each morning.
I still inhale the same amount of oxygen.
My eyes still blink to the most beautiful things God has given me on this planet I call earth.
The life cycle I'm going through will always be hard but I know He has one of the best finish line for me at the end.
All I need is faith and patience.

So dear Allah, I am sincerely seeking for Your guidance.

Cheesy

I dedicate this to anybody that might end up taking care of me in the future.
Dear loved one,
If you ever wish to marry my world, I'm just saying that I'm not easy to be taken care of.
I might need you to force me to eat my medicines whenever I'm sick. And when I'm sick, take me to the doctor. Even when I fear doctors the most.
This might sound funny but during raya, don't force me to eat raya food. You can take me to McDonald for a really happy meal.
Everytime I get a 'no' from you, I may sulk like a little kid but trust me, deep down inside me, I know why exactly you say no.
I may have my wall of insecurity built higher than The Great Wall of China but I may find comfort in you if you could love me for being perfectly imperfect.
I may be hard to understand but I can offer you a heart that might sincerely love you, insya Allah.
If you think you can keep up with these complications I don't plan to cause you, then who knows. You might be the future Allah SWT has been written for me.

I found myself hurt again.
I kept hearing non-existed words been screaming by this broken side of me.
Sometimes I felt like I have lost myself is this mixture of sadness.
Everyday I had to find new hopes with stronger faith.

I am halfway throughout the year
By far, one of the toughest 6 months this heart had gone through
I had a rose with thorns that bled my fingers
I sang happy song that saddened myself
I smiled for the most painful reason
I hope I did that for the right intention
Which to only seek His blessings

Today, something tells me I have lost the warmth and comfort from someone I cared the most
I hate to see myself crying when I really thought I have changed and become insensitive
Again, I am wrong
My intention is judged and due to that, people decided to walk away
I am now walking alone again on this shaky bridge

Dear Allah SWT,
I seek for love, acceptance and guidance.
I may need strength and endless of mercy from You.
Fill this heart with happiness, replace this loneliness with smiles, shower this empty self with more blessing.
I pray that You would guard this heart from breaking into pieces.
Out of all that, if You still putting me through hard times, I know You only do it because You love your servant, insya Allah.

"They say one day you'll look out your door
And you'll find where you truly belong
And that moment, you will know that love is so sweet"

I am slowly seeing that, in this house especially. I hope I'll find more love.

"For every prayer I sujud, for every letter I read from the Quran, for every zikir my heart says, I hope Allah SWT will benefit you in every way."

I am thankful, I am blessed and I am more than lucky for someone like you.

For someone who is always aware and concern about my life here and hereafter.

Whoever you are to me now, after too many things we have went through, after losing something we love so much, that doesn't mean I would stop hoping, wishing and praying for all the beautiful things for you now and your future, insya Allah.

As to this man named Anas Abd Rasid, one of Allah's most amazing gift, also an ummah of Rasulullah SAW, thank you so much for all these beautiful and most precious & meaningful gifts. Thank you for being that one friend who really intends to actually take me to Jannah, thank you for knowing the best presents to give to me and thank you for loving me with the intention of Allah SWT.

Wherever you are, whatever you do, may you be blessed by the one and only God, Allah SWT.

Dear Allah,

Tonight you gave me a feeling

A feeling of something

I am somehow blessed to feel such way

Sebak hati melihat kaabah di sejadah sewaktu menunaikan solat isyak

Slowly I teared up

Kedua tangan ditadahkan

I started praying

"Ya Allah, I have never been there, I have never had my eyes really looking at Your beautiful house but do take me there one day. I wanna pray in front of Kaabah while having my most loved ones with me, right by my side. I wanna somehow feel so near to our Rasulullah SAW. I wanna thank You for all the wonders you've given me until today, yet, I know more beautiful things are waiting for me in the future. I wanna cry for the most amazing opportunity of being, standing, looking and praying in front of Kaabah. I wanna keep falling in love with You, dear Allah. I wanna be the biggest fan of Rasulullah SAW. "

Ya Allah, Engkau makbulkan doaku yang satu ini.

On that moment

That one moment when

I'm reading what's in your eyes

And when your smile tells me a story

If and only if

If only you would see through me

I will never want the time to stop

To stop when I am without you

When you start blaming

Start blaming the fate

That's when I stop breathing

*Just random lines. I am out of idea...

My one and only sister has now started her journey of her very own very fairy tale

To see her crying the tears of happiness meant the world to me

She is now a wedded wife of Syed Elyas

Dearest kakak,

You are the most beautiful bride I have ever seen in my whole life

You are the luckiest woman born for marrying such amazing man like Yayas

You are the sweetest daughter for bringing us family joy and blessings from Allah

You are the second woman I really look up to after Umi

I love you Kakak

It was hard at first for me to let you go

My heart somehow breaks a little every time I see your room is empty

I have lost a sister, the only sister I have

But at the same time, I gained another brother

And trust me, so many ups and downs we have gone through but I would never wish for someone better than you because you somehow defined 'sister' best

But I know Yayas would take care of you now

Be an obedient wife of him and I will always pray for your happiness with him

Insya Allah

Dear people in my future, I am sorry that I can't offer you perfection, talents, entertainments, beauty, my whole life, love without tears and I can't guarantee you an easy going life.

But with all my heart, I can only provide you endless of prayers, intentions of giving you happiness, intentions of changing to someone with a stronger belief, sincerity in love, words with no lies.

I have been listening to this song on repeat