Honesty is the best policy

Let's make forever exists.

A long post I'm gonna write today.
I have a lot of things to say.
Let me start,

I used to be someone who hated hurting people's feelings but people ended up hurting mine.
Now I'm the other way round.
I used to hate when my phone started ringing and bugging my life.
But I get so upset now when it does not gives out sounds at all.
I used to love having such a beautiful life.
I tend to hate my life now when too much problems came up.
I used to be quite strong in handling tears.
Now tears overcome me.
I used to just hate bad people's evil deeds.
Now, I'm having the hatred towards human.
Isn't it very unhealthy?
I just realized that now.

Let me get this straight.
Dear my girlies,
(Ziha, Alesha, Azie & Jay)
Thank you so much for always helping me out.
When it comes to Banapple troubles, I always go and refer to you.
Sometimes I don't even tell you things but you figured it out all by yourselves.
I guess you know me quite well.
Thanks for the patience while you're with me.
You know I love you.
Bestfriends for life. <3

To the guy I really love,
There are so many things need to be told.
First of all, I'm sorry,
Sorry for being such a baby these days.
I don't know what got into me.
I should have given you more space for yourself.
I should understand being in your position.
I shouldn't be taking your jokes seriously like how I did.
Switching off my phone will never gonna work things out.
I apologize for doing that last night.
If time is what you needed, I can give you so.
I feel sorry for myself.
I should know how long you have been waiting all this while.
But when you needed time, I made it as an issue.
So, sorry for that.
I really don't wanna be one of your textbooks.
I just wanna be someone you could talk to and at least help you with things.
All I did is making my own conclusions.
I am truly regret for that.
I know you don't like it but it has always been my habit.
I'll try to change.
I know I have sent you a text this evening.
I don't need sympathy.
I just wanna make things better between us.
A week ago, I can't even stop eating.
I guess I was too happy with how my life works.
But things changed now, I stopped eating when all this problem came up.
I really wanna solve this cause I can't stand losing more weight.
I slept with tears these past few nights.
And believe me, waking up in the morning with eye bags are not pretty.
I'm sorry if some of my jokes sounded harsh.
I really didn't mean to.
You might think these are just words.
But I really meant what I said.
I seriously don't like it being here without you.
It seems weird when the closest person to you stops talking to you.
Trust me, it hurts when it happens.
The last time I really smiled from my heart was on Sunday,
My mum loves the way I smell.
The smell of the fragrance you gave.
Thanks for the lovely Flora.
I'm tired of mourning.
I wanna smile and not crying again.
You know, if you don't like anything about me, just come straight and let me know.
I will stop, or I will try at least.
I really thought of asking you out and talk about it.
But since you're pretty busy lately, I just have to do it this way.
I wanna call and talk but I'm scared that we might scream and shout which I really doubt about it cause I know we both don't really do that.
I don't mind if you're super upset with me.
You have reasons why you should be.
And I really understand.
I'm gonna give you time to think about all this.
Just talk to me whenever you feel ready to let the problems go and start writing a new story.
You can always count on me when it comes to anything.
Just keep that in mind.
I am sorry for being too emotional.
I am sorry for being mean.
I am sorry that I cry for you.
I am sorry cause I can't imagine my live without you.
I am sorry for my self-centered love.
I am sorry I cared not enough.

"I love you with all my heart, even though at times I do things that hurt, I try so hard to hope that you always see, how much you being in my life and what you mean to me, I am sorry yet again for causing you pain. That is the last thing I ever wanted to do, even when I am trying to look out for you and do the right thing, I messed up. I am sorry for that too. I hope that you still know how much I love and cherish you, like nothing else in my life gives me the trill of being loved by you. So I hope that you listen and see it in my eyes, this sincere apology that comes with tears from deep inside"

To the one I've been really close to,
I am sorry if I'm such a disappointment to you.
Sometimes things are just not meant to be like how you wanted.
Do keep in mind that I will love you as we are friends, close friends.
Let's get close like last time.
I really don't wanna lose you cause you know, life means nothing when you don't have friends.
I don't wanna say much cause I've said it lots of times before this.
Are we cool?
Please say yes, I really wish for that.

Sincerely, honestly, from deep down inside, I apologize.
Xoxo