I am broken to have my intentions misinterpreted.
So many of them to be misunderstood by the people I love the most.
Too many things locked in this heart.
But I realized I'd rather be a closed-book because only in me I find comfort and only in God I find faith.
I've gone through one of the loneliest journey to where I stand right now and nothing about the rough times put me in regret.
I have stumbled, I have fall but it makes me whoever I am today.
I may cry myself to sleep, I may stay up all night but the sun still brightens up my day each morning.
I still inhale the same amount of oxygen.
My eyes still blink to the most beautiful things God has given me on this planet I call earth.
The life cycle I'm going through will always be hard but I know He has one of the best finish line for me at the end.
All I need is faith and patience.

So dear Allah, I am sincerely seeking for Your guidance.

Cheesy

I dedicate this to anybody that might end up taking care of me in the future.
Dear loved one,
If you ever wish to marry my world, I'm just saying that I'm not easy to be taken care of.
I might need you to force me to eat my medicines whenever I'm sick. And when I'm sick, take me to the doctor. Even when I fear doctors the most.
This might sound funny but during raya, don't force me to eat raya food. You can take me to McDonald for a really happy meal.
Everytime I get a 'no' from you, I may sulk like a little kid but trust me, deep down inside me, I know why exactly you say no.
I may have my wall of insecurity built higher than The Great Wall of China but I may find comfort in you if you could love me for being perfectly imperfect.
I may be hard to understand but I can offer you a heart that might sincerely love you, insya Allah.
If you think you can keep up with these complications I don't plan to cause you, then who knows. You might be the future Allah SWT has been written for me.

I found myself hurt again.
I kept hearing non-existed words been screaming by this broken side of me.
Sometimes I felt like I have lost myself is this mixture of sadness.
Everyday I had to find new hopes with stronger faith.

I am halfway throughout the year
By far, one of the toughest 6 months this heart had gone through
I had a rose with thorns that bled my fingers
I sang happy song that saddened myself
I smiled for the most painful reason
I hope I did that for the right intention
Which to only seek His blessings

Today, something tells me I have lost the warmth and comfort from someone I cared the most
I hate to see myself crying when I really thought I have changed and become insensitive
Again, I am wrong
My intention is judged and due to that, people decided to walk away
I am now walking alone again on this shaky bridge

Dear Allah SWT,
I seek for love, acceptance and guidance.
I may need strength and endless of mercy from You.
Fill this heart with happiness, replace this loneliness with smiles, shower this empty self with more blessing.
I pray that You would guard this heart from breaking into pieces.
Out of all that, if You still putting me through hard times, I know You only do it because You love your servant, insya Allah.

"They say one day you'll look out your door
And you'll find where you truly belong
And that moment, you will know that love is so sweet"

I am slowly seeing that, in this house especially. I hope I'll find more love.